Fear was my compass: Learning to let Holy Spirit lead (Part 2)

God has brought me face to face with my fears. In order to yield to Holy Spirit’s lead, I had to start addressing the barriers in my life that produced fear. First was acknowledging my need for control and also exploring why maintaining control was so important to me. Next, I had to be willing to relinquish my plans, let go. Eventually, I had to start taking God-led risks, moving in directions I would normally avoid to maintain familiar comforts. Over time, I realized the God-led risks made me see myself and made me aware of my deficiencies. As a

result, I was humbled and forced me to consult Holy Spirit in prayer for guidance.

Acknowledging and Exploring My Need for Control

Challenging my need for control was not on my personal to do list. However, God reveled the tension I felt sitting in his “No” to my plans. I had to wrestle with the worry and doubts that came with obeying him, and the dissatisfaction I felt with the unknown. I liked control, really I liked the idea of control even when I didn’t really possess it. My perception of control was a security blanket that I thought protected me. Maintaining control meant I was protecting myself from pain, rejection, embarrassment, judgment, criticism, failure, heartache, loss of favor and love, even loss of companionship.

What I didn’t realize was my failed attempts to control led me into disobedience, which kept me from the fullness of God’s covering, including his grace. My desire to maintain control stemmed from involved unclean motives. The need to control is a breeding ground for deception and manipulation. Eventually, I realized my will to control and the fear that perpetuated it was rooted in pride (we will explore this further soon).

Relinquishing My Plans

Relinquishing my plans and my idea of control over outcomes was one of the first tests God walked me through. I remember making the decision to leave my job. I’d been with the agency for almost 7 years, with no additional growth in sight. When I decided I had an interest in private practice, I wanted to explore it on the side of my full-time job. However, when I sought approval from upper management, I was denied. That denial was my cue to exit that agency.

So, I began strategizing and making a plan. I created a savings goal and even found another job that would allow me to explore my practice without having to jump fully into entrepreneurship. The start date for my new position was six months out, which gave me time to continue saving and plan my exit. Things were going “as planned” until my start date with the new company was delayed even further. No big deal, I was okay with waiting a bit longer because that meant I could save more money for the transition. Delay was not denial, I would continue waiting and saving.

I finally received confirmation of my onboarding process, so I made the decision to put in my notice with my job. One week after putting my notice in I was informed my start date was delayed again, this time an additional three months. At this point, I had been waiting for this position for about 10 months and was no longer willing to be flexible. I had to rescind my acceptance of the offer and move forward with leaving my job with no position lined up. I remember sensing very clearly from God, “I’m going to be your safety net.” God decided “No” to my plan, and I had to move forward in faith, waiting for His lead on the next step. 

“Many plans are in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand (be carried out). -Proverbs 19:21 AMP 

Taking the Risks with the Lord

Taking the risks the Lord led me to was much different than taking the risks I had prepared for in my mind. My risks had built-in contingency plans. My risks were well thought out and still had some degree of certainty. My risks were mere baby steps that allowed me to preserve some semblance of control. God’s risks required my obedience and faith, without preparation or any idea of what was next. God’s risks included some of my most worrisome fears.

“Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight and understanding.”-Proverbs 3:5 AMP 

God’s risks were a full-on plunge into the unknown, no turning back. I had to do things I never believed I was capable of doing, things I'd only imagined. This stretched me and caused a shedding of my manufactured limitations. I was required to not only consult with God, but to wait and listen for direction, my only required response was obedience. Holy Spirit wasn’t asking for my ideas, my solutions, or my analysis of the situation. He wanted me to do what He directed me to do. 

Consulting with Holy Spirit

Starting my own business was risky. I had to consult with Holy Spirit regularly. I found myself up against all kinds of fear, worry, and even doubt about if I was truly hearing correctly from God. I questioned my decisions and my motivations often. I was confident I didn’t want to remain were I was, but so unsure about where I was headed. Because God had shut down my back up plans and was very clear about me quitting the position I was in, I had no choice but to seek Holy Spirit for what was next. I found my self in prayer often, which looked like talking with God about what was next, asking questions, and sharing my feelings with Him. This was training, the Holy Spirit was teaching me how to rely on Him not just in major transitions, but in life, more consistently . 

“But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him (the Holy Spirit) to you [to be in close fellowship with you].” -John 16:7 AMP 

Holy Spirit was teaching me what a lifestyle of submission and intimacy with Him should look like. Through this one thing, He was showing me how to be in fellowship with Him, and the importance of consulting Him with all things. 

Here are some questions I want you to consider in your quiet-time with the Lord this week: 

1. What am I trying to maintain control over and why is that important to me?

2. What prevents me from giving up my plans for God’s will?

3. What risk has God told me to take that I’ve not taken yet?

4. Do I consult with Holy Spirit daily? 

Until the next one, “Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling.” Psalm 2:11 

-Sophia