Don't disturb the seed!

Sometimes we are doing more damage in relationships than we know. For those of us who have a person in our lives we care for and want to see change, we need to consider how our actions might be negatively affecting that person’s process. It is possible to have right intentions with impure motives and as a result create negative impacts. God revealed this to me through one of my closest relationships. I went through a rough patch of miscommunication and tension with a family member some years back. Not only were we not communicating well, I was so concerned for this person’s relationship with God. I noticed complacency in their life and distance between them and God. Instead of being moved by compassion, I was moved by fear and pride, which was revealed by my desire to control.

I thought I had to be the one to teach, share a word, or offer corrective criticism. I also found myself trying to assess and keep track of the growth and change of this person, becoming frustrated when I wasn’t seeing what I thought I should be seeing at the time. The pride in me challenged the pride in them, and I was ill-prepared for the consequences. I remember starting a prayer group with friends, we were contending for our family members. We prayed regularly. We shared frustrations, and testimonies. We celebrated gains, and comforted each other during what seemed like setbacks. In the process, I became more aware of my issues with control.

I was doing great work in prayer. I was planting seeds in the spirit that in my faithfulness and patience, would yield a harvest. However, I was struggling with the realities of my day-to-day, which to the natural eye, appeared as if nothing was changing. There was waves of frustration, weariness, and disappointment that made me want to take matters into my own hands. I found myself trying to handle situations without the guidance of Holy Spirit and in my own understanding, which led to communication breakdowns and more frustration. God revealed the responses and strategies I came up with on my own failed because I didn’t consider the plank in my own eye while trying to remove the speck out of my family member’s eye (Matthew 7:4). 

God made me aware that my role wasn’t to teach, criticize, inform, or debate. My role was to pray and exhibit the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Furthermore, my response during conflict had to be the fruit of the Spirit instead of defending myself. My response in my secret time with the Lord had to be faithfully praying, laying down my heart full of resentment, and picking up the compassion and love of Jesus, viewing my family member with God’s eyes. He reminded me when I prayed that I was planting spiritual seeds. He said, “Don’t disturb the seed.” When I tried to control the situation or respond out of my flesh, I was disturbing the seed.

Imagine planting a seed and lacking the patience to wait and see the plant start growing. Instead, you take your finger and dig around the seed to check for the growth of roots. Could you imagine doing that every other day? The seed would never grow due to shock. What if you decided you needed to do more than directed, so instead of following the plant maintenance instructions to water the seed periodically, you water the seed daily and drown it. This is how God illustrated my own actions to me. He was telling me to “back off," take my hands off His work, and that I was doing too much. In my ignorance, my fleshly actions, I was disturbing the seed and thereby disturbing God’s process.

I believe the enemy wants to use our ignorance, impatience, and frustration against us as distractions in challenging relationships. If we let him, he can convince us to become more confident in ourselves and our past experiences, than the Great God we serve. The enemy capitalizes on pride, enjoys planting seeds of confusion and creating division. My recommendations for those of you navigating challenging relationships or attempting to care for those you love and a have concern for:

1. Pray for God to give you wisdom in your responses to the person.

2. Pray for the person regularly, from God’s perspective (use Scriptures).

3. Study the fruit of the Spirit and use the fruit listed in every encounter with the person(s).

Trust me, God will honor your faithfulness! Until the next one, “Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling.” Psalm 2:11 NKJV

-Sophia